Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
