i just had sex bonerless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize