he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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