Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize