Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
