are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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