i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm getting married
To pizza
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
