We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
