I smell stomach acid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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