I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
