Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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