I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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