Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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