never play flip cup with pint glasses
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize