im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize