I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
