hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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