you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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