Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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