Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
