I am puke
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
