Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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