definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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