never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
