no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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