Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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