You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
