Im at strip club and am horny
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
