8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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