my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She bit a glass in half.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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