I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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