I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
