Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
