hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
