Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
