i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
