3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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