I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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