I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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