the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
