The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
