addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Houston, we have a squirter
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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