I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just had sex on a roof
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
