If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize