I have demons in me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
