Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
