WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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