So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
