just tell him i said nine months
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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