I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
