We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
