ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize