I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
