I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
