I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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