And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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