The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
