My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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