You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
