The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
