She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
