my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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