I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
