so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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