Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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