then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
