I faked an abortion last night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
